Do not worry Be Happy.
It sounds attractive, but it’s no great advice.
When you are in a difficult time, when you say “pull your chin,” “look on the bright side,” or “it could be worse,” it can only make your mood worse.
Embrace “positive toxicity”.
I’ve been seeing a lot lately. I suppose that you too.
The essence of positive toxicity is an unintended form of gas lighting: an over-over-and-over-generalization of the “be happy, think positive” state in all situations. It is toxic because, like everything that is done in excess, when positivity is used to suppress, neglect or undo negative emotions, it denies a completely human experience.
The truth is that sometimes life sucks. As in the past few months in the midst of a pandemic, which has caused great hardship and pain in the homes and hearts of billions of people.
Can the good times come from the bad times? You can bet, but that doesn’t negate the very heavy and sharp emotions that naturally arise as we go through life.
“Don’t worry, be happy” this day will not stop.
I guess you have been involved in failures and struggles recently. Maybe you are among the few now. I get it.
In this case, I encourage you to change the shape as you experience positivity. Not because a positive mental attitude is not necessary for development in the midst of inevitable ups and downs in life. Is. And I am for all that. But because we try to manually select the emotions that we will feel and isolate ourselves from the not so pleasant, we are actually separating ourselves from those that bring us the deepest joy. Avoiding suffering is a form of suffering.
Here are five strategies for avoiding the pitfalls of toxic positivity and working those bad feelings in a way that works for you:
1. Feel your feelings to the end.
We are not associated with pain; We are ready to avoid it. However, thanks to painful emotions, we access our deepest source of strength. You can do this by trusting (not minimizing, undoing, denying, distracting, underestimating) the unpleasant emotions you feel.
The next time you feel emotions that are not feeling well, go to a quiet place, label all the feelings that you feel: sad, anxious, jealous, guilty, hurt, disappointed, and determine where those emotions sit in your body (always sitting somewhere!). Put your hand there and breathe deeply for a few minutes, wherever you feel this narrowing. When you do, ask yourself, what problem should you pay attention to?
Studies have shown that feeling our feelings all the time helps us relax. On the other hand, when we deny unpleasant emotions, we increase them. Only thanks to the full feeling of our most negative emotions can we really enjoy the positive ones. They cannot do without each other.
2. Share the truth of your life with some distinguished people.
How are you really?
“I’m cool” is the default answer. What people want to hear, what we want to be true. And sometimes it is.
However, when we mask the less real picture of a perfect life and deal with the false emotional world, we disconnect from the people who could help us carry our burdens better. At this point, we run the risk of building superficial friendships with false intimacy.
This does not mean that you should talk to anyone and about all your problems or how bad you feel. Not everyone deserves your truth. Namely, it means sharing with those who have acquired the right to know what overwhelms you.
The same applies to you. Sharing your fights does not eliminate them, but rather extends your arms to use them better. The saying “that the weight is divided in half” contains a great truth.
How are you really? You could say you’re wrong. And of course, if you’re still struggling, have the courage to seek professional help. Taking a step back toward those who can help you is not a sign of weakness. Show that you want to be stronger.
DON’T MISS 7 Best Personal Development Books For You
3. Confirm other people’s emotions.
After abortion during the first pregnancy, many people offered me words that would help me feel better. Sometimes they did the opposite.
“I think this kid shouldn’t be,” said a co-worker. Of course not. But he already imagined his first day at school. “At least you’re young,” said another. Yes I am. But in the midst of my sadness, his words are a little comforting.
As I learned from my own loss experience, the only way to get out of sadness is to sit with it and honor it completely. And when others experience it, they recognize each new difficult reality they face.
One of the most basic human needs is to listen and understand. It requires us to rise above our instinctive response to ease your pain or resolve your problem. Some problems cannot be solved at all.
Above all, people don’t really need a sacred “clear side view” that limits their experience, but to be heard, recognized and understood, wherever they are, no matter how they feel (even if they think they are exaggerating)! ) Here are three ways to do this:
Confirm your feelings by reflecting your feelings: this is bullshit. Sorry, these are difficult things. I can see how stressful it is for you. It’s quite understandable that you feel that way.
Let them know that you are here for them: I don’t know what to say, but here it is for you and I am my back. You will go through this; Let’s go through this. Can I do something today to lose weight?
Confirm your faith in them and their future: you understand. I know you will go through this. How can I help you with this? I am here for you at every step.
4. Stop fighting because you don’t feel exciting.
If you like to feel like a positive person, you can find your sense of identity when you feel that you are not positive. But being hit for not feeling exciting just keeps you attracted.
Even the most optimistic people can sometimes feel negative. Even the most loved ones can feel anything less. Get off your back and embrace humanity with the compassion you will pass on to your best friend. Fear, anger, sadness … can come from anyone. But not if you fight them or run away from them.
Instead of trying to eliminate negativity, we must work to increase positivity. We cannot develop more positive emotions if we punish ourselves every time we feel negative.
ALSO READ 6 Simple Habits to Boost Your BrainPower
5. Facing reality.
Heavy emotions and optimism are not mutually exclusive. You may still feel negative in some aspects of your life, but look optimistic about your future.
Right now I am concerned that my family is spread across three continents, and restrictions on international travel prevent me from planning the next time I see them. However, I know we can finally hug each other tightly and it will be a great day.
Change is a must. Enjoy all the emotions you feel while maintaining the faith that you are looking forward to the future. No matter how bad they feel now, they won’t feel that way forever.
Living life to the fullest means a bold life. There is no room for toxic positivity in this space. In the end, courage comes from facing our deepest fears, without denying them.
Sometimes allowing yourself to feel bad can be the best thing you can do for yourself.